When I grow up...

For my business class, I have to write a paper talking about my interest in running a private practice.  I've been thinking for a couple of days about the potential of me one day owning my own practice.  As I sit here this morning, sipping on my second cup of coffee (I've been up since 6am and couldn't go back to sleep...),  one word keeps coming into my head: children.  I'll come back to the topic of private practice later, but let me catch you up really quick.

I have been going to school since I was 6 - kindergarten, elementary school, middle school, high school, college, and now graduate school.  I've been married for 3 1/2 years.  I took a year off between college and graduate school because I thought I was ready to have a family.  During that time, I realized that I wasn't ready emotionally or financially to start a family.  After talking it over with my husband, I decided to go back to graduate school and get my doctorate.  Then, one year afterwards I started to feel guilty.  Then a year later, and a year later.  I kept doubting myself and the choice I made to get my degree.  My husband has supported me throughout graduate school, but I felt that I was withholding from him the joy of having children.  Even though he was behind me going to school, why did I feel so guilty?  The bible has a few things to say about this:

"Children are a heritage from the Lord" - Psalm 127:3

"Every good and perfect gift comes from above" - James 1:17

"Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God" - Mark 10:14

"Grandchildren are the crown of the aged, and the glory of children is their fathers" - Proverbs 17:6

"Be fruitful and multiply over all the earth" - Genesis 1:28

"I have no greater joy than to hear my children are walking in truth" - 3 John 1:4

"He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children" - Psalm 113:9

"Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you..." - Jeremiah 1:5

Also, Sarai (Sarah) and Hannah were both barren, but were faithful to God and he opened their wombs so that they could bear children.

Okay, so you get the point.  

I've been reading a book called "Real Marriage" by Mark & Grace Driscoll.  I'm only a few chapters into the book, but one thing that has really ripped on my heart is the chapter on men.  Mark rips on men and the different personalities that men have and how it works in a marriage.  This is not what's pulling at my heart.  What is, however, is the gentleness in the way he speaks of women.  I've never heard someone speak so sweetly of women.  Sure, I've read the scriptures from Ephesians about the husband loving his wife as Christ loves the church, and so on.  But I've never had it right in front of my face in plain English.  As Christian women, we have three main responsibilities: to be a follower of Christ, to be a wife, and to be a mother.  That's it.  

So, back to private practice.  I attend a state-regulated university.  Writing my paper with the response "I don't want to go into private practice because I love Jesus and my husband and I want to honor them by having children and owning a private practice will mean working 12 hours a day and being broke for five years and I don't want someone else raising my children so that I can be a businesswoman and own my own practice and be so stressed that when I'm at home all I think about is my job and how to make money so that my business doesn't go bankrupt" will probably not get me a good grade.  That will also only take up a couple of lines of the many I have to write.  Truthfully,  the thought of someone else raising my kids scares me to death.  I'm not talking about them being in a daycare...I'm talking about me having a baby, being off for 6 weeks, and then going to work 8-5 while my mom or my mother-in-law takes care of my baby until it's old enough to go to pre-k or kindergarten.  No offense to my mom or mother-in-law, because they're both excellent mothers, but I want to be able to raise my own children like they raised their children.  I want them to know me as their mother. I want to witness their first steps, their first words, and all of the joys and pains of motherhood.  

Going into private practice is not my only option.  I can work in a clinic, a hospital, an ENT office, a school, and other places.  I've thought about working full time, part time, or contracting out my services.  All three are good options, and each one has its pros and cons.  But I still don't know if that's the right path for me. 

So what - I get my doctorate and then become a stay at home wife/mom, wasting 8 years of college?  This is where it gets fuzzy.  I have NO IDEA what I should do.  I'm basically taking it one day at a time, and I'm putting the pressure on God to give me the vision of what his will is for me.  Yes, people do have children while they're in college, but traveling to Houston for clinic while being pregnant and having to be off for 6 weeks and then make up the time wasn't something my husband and I wanted me to do. 

This is my last semester of classes.  In June, I will start my one year externship at Lamar University and I'll graduate in May 2013.  Although I've thought about backing out at least twice during grad school, I'm so happy that my husband pushed me to finish and I know that I will be so excited to walk across the stage and receive my Doctorate of Audiology in a year and a half. 

Life is good.  God is greater!

Rae

The wind beneath my wings...

I'm 25 years old. I'm an only child, and I'm a true daddy's girl...still. 

However, I do not discredit my mother for raising me to be the woman I am today. She's had a rough life, but she's triumphed through the things that have been thrown at her. She is my best friend. 

History:

I was born in Thibodaux, Louisiana on May 14, 1986 to 23-year-old Victor and 21-year-old Paige. They wanted more kids, but my mom was told she couldn't have anymore. We lived in a trailer 2 doors down from my grandmother for 4 years until we moved to Beaumont, Texas for my mom's job. My dad was a truck driver for a little, tiny bit of my childhood, but when we moved, he started working for a different company because he didn't want to miss my childhood by being on the road. I went to Kindergarten in Beaumont. One year later, my parents found a rent house in Groves, Texas. I started first grade at Van Buren Elementary in groves.  I was also taking dancing lessons; I started when i was 3. My parents took me to dance lessons during the week as well as ccd and things for school. 

In 1991, my mom was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease.  However, they never stopped taking me everywhere. My dad stepped up and started getting me ready for school (fixing my hair, dressing me....) while mom was feeling like crap. she would have bad days where she just couldn't get out of bed because she felt so bad. no matter how she felt, she showed up to all of my performances, except 1 dance recital. because she was sick and in the hospital. my aunt and my mom's friend stepped up that year and helped me get dressed for my dances. i'll never forget that because i remember i was dancing while my mom was stuck in the hospital wishing she could have been there with me. i feel guilty for that. i should have been with her. 

dad gets hired on with a plant in beaumont and we're all so happy about that. they also buy the rent house they had been renting - and the lady owner-financed and used all their previous rent toward the house. i'm pretty sure that's the biggest blessing they could have gotten on a house. 

for a while, mom finds this great medication that makes her feel so much better - she's off all these other medications that she doesn't need anymore and she looks and feels great. we take family vacations and mom and dad take trips together and they're doing amazing. 

a few years later, she starts getting extreme migraines and an mri confirms a small lesion on her brain. so we have to discontinue the super great miracle medication because they fear that's what caused it. so now we're back to square one. all these extra medications and more medications to offset the side effects of other medications. meaning -- she feels like crap again. she's unhappy and miserable. but she doesn't show it. when she's out in public, you don't know anything's wrong with her.  i was heavily involved in high school: band, freshman/jv/varsity/head twirler. i had a busy schedule. they were at everything i did. beaming with pride for their daughter. i'm their world. 

so i finish high school and start college, at my local university here in beaumont. i'm still living at home because, well, i'm working at a local grocery store. and that pays next to nothing. 

mom's still not feeling great. some days are good, some days are bad. but she's still fighting and looking for a better medication. she gets involved in clinic trials, but nothing makes her feel better.

fast-forward to april 2007 -  i get engaged. so we go into full wedding mode. mom goes everywhere with me, picking out dresses, flowers, everything.  she didn't want me to be stressed, so she took on the weight of planning a wedding. she even met with the decorator to surprise me with some extra things for the reception. our wedding day was absolutely perfect.  and she was behind it all - but no one knew that. dad had a migraine the day of the wedding. but he hid it. during the reception, mom got a bad migraine and it was making her sick so dad had to take her home. she had been so stressed that it made her sick. 

One day, mom gets super sick and ends up in the hospital in Houston. But, the upside is they discovered this new drug that has been working on Crohn's disease patients. So she tries it and it WORKS! So she gets back off of all that medicine, and start this one. She's feeling GREAT and she and dad are going on vacations again and they're both so happy!

Mom has fought this disease for 20 years now.  There is no cure, but there is relief. She feels so much better, and she's so much happier.  

But, if you notice - no matter what was going on in my parents' lives, they never let that get in the way of being there for me and bringing me where I needed to be.  Dad worked overtime to make sure I could keep dancing/twirling and mom worked so that I could have the life I had.  They made sure I never had to sacrifice or lose anything. They never rubbed that in my face, but it's something I noticed. My parents never were people who threw me to be raised by other people.  If I wasn't able to go where they were invited, they didn't go. They put me first in everything they did. That's something I'll always carry with me, and I hope I can do that for my kids. 

They always stood back, in the shadow, while I got the recognition for being a good dancer/twirler/student. But I always knew that it was because of them and their support that I got to be all of those things.

My parents taught me logic and reason, and how to keep a level head. They taught me to think before acting, to weigh the consequences. They taught me how to change a tire. They taught me that I need to be sure that I can take care of myself and never have to rely on anyone else. They taught me how to be independent. They taught me how to be thrifty. They taught me how to do-it-myself. They taught me how to love. They taught me how to have fun. I have my mother's attitude, which I love. Her cajun, quick-tempered attitude. It's what makes me Rae. I'm Vic's level-headed and Paige's quick-tempered daughter. You never know what you're going to get with me, and I absolutely love that. I am equal parts Vic & Paige. And there's nothing I would change about that.

This may be the most cliche song ever, but it's so true. My parents are the wind beneath my wings. Through the joy and the pain, they have never let me see their pain. They always put me and my happiness first.

It must have been cold there in my shadow,
to never have sunlight on your face.
You were content to let me shine, that's your way.
You always walked a step behind.

So I was the one with all the glory,
while you were the one with all the strength.
A beautiful face without a name for so long.
A beautiful smile to hide the pain.

Did you ever know that you're my hero,
and everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

It might have appeared to go unnoticed,
but I've got it all here in my heart.
I want you to know I know the truth, of course I know it.
I would be nothing without you.



Mom and dad, 
You are two of the greatest people I'll ever know. I am who I am because of you two. You both have instilled your values into me, and I'll never know what it's like to live a life with parents who don't love and appreciate me. And I'll make sure my children never know that feeling either. I see the love of God in you, because you love me unconditionally. You have sacrificed a lot to keep me happy, and I appreciate that more than you know. I'm so glad I have parents who are still married and who are so in love with each other. You have shown me how to love someone, and how to believe in something bigger than myself. You both are my heroes.


Rae

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Just a small town girl...

I love living in a small town. Period. You cannot take me out of here.

I've been "living" in Houston three days a week for the last 2 months and I realized how I take for granted the perks of living in a small town:
1. I can get to the store/post office/church/anything else in about 5 minutes.
2. I can leave my car unlocked and not worry that someone is going to steal/break into it. (Disclaimer: this is in MY town, not every town. Try this at your own risk.)
3. I can jog around my neighborhood without the necessity of a rape whistle.
4. My neighbors know me, my husband, my pets, and our friends' vehicles. So they know when/when not to worry about us. They're the best.

My one complaint about living in a small town:
Everyone knows you, your family, where you went to school, where you went yesterday and what you wore yesterday. I no longer live in the town I grew up in so I don't encounter this too much. (I live in my old high school's rival town.)

Today after leaving the post office, which is an exhausting 2 minutes from my house, I got in my car and thanked God for allowing us to live (and remain living) in a small town. I'm not a big city girl and I have no desire to become a big city girl. Ever.

Geaux Tigers.

I still don't understand the reason people use the spelling of "geaux".  It takes even more letters to spell. Sam decided yesterday that we're cajun now (I've been cajun all along) and that our name (Guerrero) has been changed to Guerrereaux. When you look at it, it does look cajun.  Moving on. 

The "Guerrereaux's"  ;)

My dad scored some tickets to the LSU/Auburn game Friday afternoon, texted me, and by Saturday morning at 8am, we were heading to Death Valley to watch the game.  We had a few stops to make on the way, so we got there around 1pm.  We had to park like a mile away - no sweat.  Then we met up with my dad's childhood friend at a tailgate party.  People in Texas don't know how to tailgate properly.  There were canopies set up everywhere. People had TVs set up to watch other games while they were tailgating for this one. Several people never even go into the stadium - they watch the game from the comfort of their motor home. Yes, I said motor home. These people get here DAYS before the game. That's dedication.  Or obsession.  Tomato, tomato. 

Mike the Bengal Tiger.  He's Mike #6. 

So now we're in the stadium.  We get to our spot and start to pity the folks who are what it seems like a mile above the field.  A little aside: You can see LSU Stadium from I-10.  So we've been discussing these nosebleed seats since long before we made it to the stadium.  My mom and dad sat in the 2nd row from the very very top when I was a little baby bean in her belly. So I've actually been to an LSU game before now. Anyway, scary scary seats. One good sneeze and there you go. We have great seats in the corner of the end zone. On the opposite side of the band. So we didn't have a whole lot of noise. Only the noise coming from the loudest fan ever 2 rows behind us.  Then, in the 2nd half, my husband decided to join in with the yelling.  And cheering.  And whistling.  It was comedic. 

Touchdown :)

I've never been to a game that had to waste time because of commercial breaks.  So every now and then, they would bring people on to the field and do presentations.  It's a good use of wasted time, but you don't think about that when you're watching the game on TV. "Hmm, I wonder what they do while we're watching commercials..." 

We had a great time, and we're so thankful that my dad was able to get these tickets.  I'm ready to go again!

 

It's been a while.

Now I've got that song stuck in your head, huh? Good.

I'm into my 4th week of clinic and I'm still LOVING it. Houston Ear Research Foundation (HERF) is the best clinical offsite I've been to thus far. I got my foundation at Lamar and my speed/efficiency at the ENT sites. But I'm so in love with this site. The patients we see are so gracious and willing to tell me everything I'll ever need to know about cochlear implants. It's cute when they find out I'm a student.  They get so excited.  If I had the option of choosing cochlear implants as a specialty, I just might do it.  It's definitely not an easy job; these people have to start over from scratch after they get implanted. It's challenging, but it's so rewarding.  To watch someone from day one get sound detection almost in the normal range gives me goosebumps.  Then, to see them a month later, understanding speech and communicating in the world again...it's mind-blowing.
I get to see a cochlear implant surgery next week.  I'm stoked and nervous all at the same time.  I can't wait to see the surgery, but I'm hoping I remember to breathe so I don't pass out...nothing major.
Although I love my clinic site, I hate having to "live" in Houston 3 days a week. I hardly get to see my husband, my poor dogs probably forgot who I was, and I absolutely hate having to pack, unpack, wash clothes, and re-pack every week.  It's easy to get burned out from this.  8 weeks left!

Now, I need to go get ready for tomorrow so I can go to clinic and then head home for some well-deserved time with my husband!

Rae

I'm now a 3rd year student.

Hallelujah! I'm over halfway there!

Recap: I went to Schlitterbahn in New Braunfels this past weekend with some of my best friends. I had an ah-mazing time! We did the water park thing on Friday and floated the Comal River on Saturday. I got sunburnt Saturday, but I'd do it all over again this weekend if I could.  It was a great trip and we had a blast.

I also wanted to say that we started a high-five train while waiting in line for one of the rides. The high-five started on my behalf ("that's what she said" joke) and it went back and forth at least 4 times while we were in line. It seems silly, but we got everyone in our line to be a part of something huge! Keep 5 alive!

So, school. I start school on Monday. And you know me, I'm a nerd. So I'm excited.  We have two weeks of orientation (or re-orientation for those of us who have done this before) and then we start clinic. My clinic site this semester is Houston Ear Research Foundation, aka HERC. I don't know where the "C" comes from. I will call it HERF. They do cochlear implants. I'm beyond stoked. I'll get to see a lot of cool stuff. Maybe I can watch a surgery?
So I will be in clinic 3 days a week this year, Tuesday-Thursday. My site is a good 2 hours from home. No need to fear, I will be spending the night at my classmate's apartment so I don't have to drive back and forth. That's a waste of gas. I can only imagine the dance parties that will go on. Oh, Deya...

I finally broke down and got sucked into the Harry Potter cult world. I used to think to myself, "self, why would anyone want to read stories about witches and magic? That's stupid." And then, I watched Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. And I enjoyed it. I'm not obsessed. But I did watch all of the movies. Including the last one. Totally was not expecting that little Snape part to happen in there.  Maybe if I would have read the books first, I'd have expected it. So now I'm spending my week off reading the books. I'm on #4.  I hope to be done before school starts on Monday, but there's a good possibility I will be reading throughout the next week as well. Either way, I love it. The wizardry and stuff is cute, but I'm more interested in her writing. She sucks you into this world and you're right there with Harry, Ron, and Hermione, living it up at Hogwarts. I love the adventure. To be honest, I was kind of embarrassed to admit that I'd finally watched the movies. But I really enjoyed them. I'm not going to go all Voldemort on everyone and become an evil person. I still love Jesus. However, I do enjoy the fact that I now understand the little jokes people throw in regarding all things Harry Potter. They used to go over my head. I get them now. Props.
I just wonder...after I read all the books, then what? Harry Potter's over. I guess I will have to find another series of books to bury my nose in. Hello my name is Rae, and I'm a nerd. And I'm proud of it.

Off to spend some quality time with the husband. He's the best.

'Til later,
Rae

Rocky Mountain High

I've had the pleasure of spending the past week with 4 of my classmates and about 80 other students in Colorado.

Keystone, Colorado - around 11,640 ft.

We went for an Audiology Summer Camp put on by a hearing aid company called Oticon. During the week, we had plenty of free time to explore and take part in activities on our own. 

Sunday, I hiked up a ski slope with David and Joe. 

My view once I climbed the ski slope. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I almost quit twice. David, however, talked on the phone most of the way up and showed no signs of exhaustion.

That evening, we went to a restaurant called The Mint. You order your food, and they bring your steak to you raw and you go cook it. We had a great time cooking our food and spending time getting to know other students in our program. 

Monday, we went white water rafting. I didn't bring my camera to take pictures because I didn't want it to get wet. We got soaked. The water was freezing and the sun wasn't out, so leaving my camera on the bus was a good idea.  

Tuesday, we had a day packed with sessions and workshops. That night, we had free time to go enjoy dinner wherever we wanted. A group of us went to the village and enjoyed a nice dinner at Wolf Rock. I had the best filet mignon. Ever. It was perfect. Then, it rained. According to the locals, this is the most it's rained. So, you're welcome, Colorado. We took the rain with us from Texas.  

Wednesday, I rode a ski lift up to the top of the mountains. 

Another scary thing. Going up was much scarier. 

But once we got up there, the scenery was amazing. 

Just one of the views from the top. Breathtaking.

We stayed up there a while and enjoyed the view, taking plenty of pictures. I've always wanted to go to Colorado, but I'd imagined myself there during the peak season. When it snows. To see it like this was a real treat. 

That evening, we went to the Country Boy Mine in Breckenridge.  It's an old gold mine. 

You can't see our tour guide in this picture. He looked like Shaun White. He also looked like he was about 16. He referred to the miners as "we" so it was hard to take him seriously, because we all know good and well that he was not around back in the day when this mine was still in business. He took us about 1100 feet into the mine, 200 feet before the gold vail. He claims there is 50 million dollars worth of gold still in there, but it would cost about 70 million to get it out. I don't think I believe that, but it keeps people from trying to get in there to steal the gold. 

We also encountered this beautiful creature: 

Meet Blizzard. He's a purebred Newfoundland. I thought he was a bear.  I want one. 

This is 100% the best trip I've been on thus far. The Oticon staff were amazing and they never once distinguished themselves above us. They spent the whole week hanging out with us, starting trouble (Henning!), and having a good time.  It definitely gives you positive thoughts about how the company is run. The people who work for Oticon love their job, and they look forward to the summer camp every year. 

I am so glad I was able to go on this trip, and I had one of the greatest experiences of my life. I will definitely go back to Colorado. But I'm making sure Sam comes with me to enjoy everything Colorado has to offer. It was so refreshing.

But I'm definitely glad to be back home. 

Houston, Texas. View from the plane!

I decided to do this blog as a picture/diary one. I figured it would give you a good insight on my trip and invite you to enjoy some of it with me. I have many more pictures that will be up on Facebook towards the end of August (took a Facebook hiatus for a couple of weeks). 

Rae :)